A Day in the Life with the Noah
by RoyxRizaFan
Summary: A series of crack oneshots depicting everyday things that happen in the Noah family, the ordinary and not so ordinary.
1. Road Catches a Head Cold

**What if Road caught a head cold?**

It was just an ordinary day in the house of the Noah. Tyki sat in a chair, reading a book; the twins sat on the couch, watching a gory action movie; Road sat next to them, scribbling down answers for homework as she partially watched the video.

On the screen, another explosion went off, sending several men flying through the air in all directions. The twins burst into hysterical laughter.

"Look at them _fly_!" Debbito cried, gasping for breath.

Jasdero held up his gun, pointing it at one of the characters that was on the screen. "Him next! Him next!"

"No way," Debbito argued, shaking his head. "No, the nurse is next. Definitely. She's screwed!"

"Him! Him!"

"Will you two shut up?" Tyki shouted from where he sat on the other side of the room, looking up from his book to glare at the back of the boys' heads. "Honestly, why do you have to spend every evening watching that trash?"

"It's the funniest shit on television," Debbito explained. "You'll see. Just watch."

It was silent as everyone in the room stared at the TV, where a young nurse was running for cover into a small office. Inside waited a gunman, who immediately shot several times.

_Bam! BAM! BAM!_

"I _told _you!" Debbito laughed proudly. "That bitch had it coming."

Tyki rolled his eyes. "Watching humans killing each other is _not _amusing."

Debbito spun around, ready to argue, but Road's sudden and loud sneeze cut him off. He cringed, turning his gaze to her. "Don't spit all over me!"

"I _didn't_!" she snapped, turning back to her homework. As she wrote, she began coughing.

"Ew! Germs!" Jasdero sang, sliding away from her on the couch. "Road is nasty!"

She stuck her tongue out at the twins. "I am _not_! All I did was sneeze once…once…" She let out another sneeze, quickly turning away from the boys.

"You're killing the mood," Debbito snapped, pointing to the TV. "Keep it down, will you? Otherwise, get lost."

"I can go wherever I want to!"

"Then _go_! Go away!"

She ignored him, opening up another textbook to begin reading. Tyki turned back to his book and all was silent except for the screams and gunshots coming from the television and the twins' laughter.

Road bit her tongue, feeling another sneeze coming. She turned away, hoping she could muffle the sound so the twins wouldn't bother her.

"Ah-_cho_!"

Debbito rolled his eyes. "Ugh, will you go do your homework somewhere else, you boogery bitchface?"

Jasdero laughed. "Boogery bitchface! Boogery bitchface!"

"Hey!" Tyki shouted, not bothering to look up from his book this time. "Knock it off!"

Debbito turned back to Jasdero, smirking. "It had a ring to it, didn't it? _Boogery bitchf_-"

"Debbito!"

He groaned, turning back to the TV.

Road collected her books in her arms, storming out of the room. "_Fine_. I'll go study upstairs." The twins began applauding.

Road stomped her way over to the staircase, a sour pout on her face. Tyki glanced up from his book.

"Road," he called, making her pause at the foot of the stairs. "Are you sure you're all right?"

She shrugged. "I'm probably just cold. Thanks anyway." She turned and skipped up the stairs two at a time.

---

No one was surprised when Road woke up with a head cold the next morning. She lay in her bed, too tired to get up, with a terrible cough and a running nose.

"Here," Tyki said, holding up a thermometer to her mouth.

She stared at it strangely. "What the hell is that?"

"It's going to tell if you have a fever or not."

She rolled her eyes. "You and your human toys." She opened her mouth, allowing him to place it underneath her tongue. After a moment, he took it out again, staring at it.

A frown crossed his face. "Oh, Road, your temperature is 101 degrees. You have a fever…"

Road shrugged. "I still have to go to school, though. I have a test I can't miss today."

He placed his hands on her shoulders, pushing her back down onto the bed. "You can make it up. You're not going anywhere today."

She cringed. "Come on, Tyki. One day of school won't kill me."

He ignored her, standing up and walking towards the door. "Don't move," he warned her, exiting.

Tyki walked into the kitchen, searching through the cabinets for any kind of medicine. Debbito and Jasdero, who were eating their breakfast, glanced over at him curiously.

"What're you doing?" Debbito demanded.

"Road's got a fever," he explained, slamming the last cupboard shut. "Damn, we don't have any medicine. Well, I can't leave the house! I have to stay with Road." He glanced over his shoulder at Debbito. "Why don't you go pick something up for her?"

He rolled his eyes, laughing. "Yeah, right. I'm not wasting my time like that."

Tyki glared at him. "It's the least you could do after being so rude yesterday."

Debbito exchanged a glance with Jasdero. "I was just _teasing _her…"

"Go get the medicine," Tyki said in a strict tone, heading back for the stairs. "I have to go make sure Road's all right."

Debbito rolled his eyes, taking the last bite of his cereal. "Well, this sucks."

"It sucks donkey ass."

"No, this is definitely mongoose ass."

"Mongoose, then."

Debbito groaned, standing up and storming to the door. "I guess I don't have much of a choice. I'm off!"

---

Twenty minutes later, Debbito returned from the pharmacy, some sort of strange purple medicine in his hand that the pharmacist had recommended for Road's fever. Skin Boric glanced over at him as he entered the house.

"That looks _sweeeeet_…" he sang, staring intently at the bottle as Debbito passed by.

"There's no way I'm giving this to you after the hell I went through to find it," Debbito snapped. "After I walked through the rain to the pharmacy, I had to wait in line for ten minutes while some old guy bought _half the store_…" He continued to grumble about it as he stormed up the stairs, dripping water onto the floor as he went.

Tyki cringed when Debbito walked into the room, water dripping from every part of his body. "Why don't you dry off before walking through the house?" he complained, snatching the bottle.

He rolled his eyes. "Jeez, I went through all that trouble and I don't get so much as a 'thank you, Debbito'. I hope the medicine makes it _worse_," he sneered, storming out of the room.

Tyki groaned as he began pouring the medicine. "Idiot."

---

The next morning, Debbito woke up with a terrible head cold, which he had caught while walking in the rain. Unfortunately, Skin Boric had already drank all the medicine.


	2. The Noah Screw in a Lightbulb

**What if the Noah had to screw in a light bulb?**

Road was doing her homework under a lamp one day when all of a sudden, there was popping noise and the room went black. She blinked uncertainly, waiting a moment before calling out, "Can someone help me? The light just went out!"

"Why can't you change it yourself?" Tyki huffed as he stormed into her room.

"I don't know where the bulbs are!" she responded, closing her textbook.

Tyki rolled his eyes. "They're right in the hall closet."

"Can you get them for me?" Road asked in a high, sugary voice.

Tyki groaned, stalking out into the hall towards the closet. He reached out and opened it to reveal Jasdevi standing inside, pointing their guns at each other, grinning.

"Hey, Tyki."

"What the _hell_?" He decided he didn't want an answer and reached over them to the light bulbs. He pulled out the box and headed back to Road's room. The twins followed.

"I know how to screw those things in!" Jasdero cried. "Hee hee hee! Let me try! Hee hee hee!"

Tyki groaned, passing over the box to them, leaving the room, saying he had better things to do.

"First, we have to take the old one out," Debitto declared, staring at the lamp. "Simple." He lifted the lamp, banging it roughly onto Road's desk. "Come on, bulb! Fall out!"

"Hee hee hee! Fall out, fall out!"

Road stared at them, dumbfounded. "Are you sure this is how it's done?" When the bulb didn't fall out, she suggested, "Try getting it out with your guns!"

Debitto took out his gun, pointing it at the light bulb. "Stand back, here I go!" He pulled the trigger, shooting the bulb, shattering the glass in every direction.

Tyki came running back in. "What was that?"

"Debitto was shooting things," Road answered casually.

"The usual," Debitto added, taking out the box of new light bulbs.

"My turn!" Road cried, snatching the box away from Debitto. She held the lamp in one hand and began shoving the light bulb into the hole. "Fit! Fit!"

Tyki sighed, brushing a hand through his hair. "You're supposed to _screw _it in."

The Earl snuck up from behind him, grinning his usual, freaky grin. "Now, now, my children! Don't you see you're wasting time? Electricity didn't exist when this book took place."

Everyone stopped what they were doing before dropping the box and lamp and scouting the house for a candle.

"Let me light the match! Hee hee hee!"

"Look _out_, you idiots!"

"OW! I burnt myself!"

**Author's Notes: Assuming that this takes place before 1979, that is! ...And I wish all the Earl's hearts showed up T_T**


	3. The Noah Inherit a Farm

**What if the Noah inherited a farm?**

"We have inherited a farm " the Earl declared randomly one day.

The Noah looked up, blinking. "What was that?"

"We have inherited a farm!" he repeated.

Road clapped her hands together. "YAY! I've always wanted a farm!"

Tyki rolled his eyes. "Since when?"

"Let us go!" the Earl cried, pointing his umbrella to the door. "Our new home awaits!"

"This is odd, Lero! I don't know if we should do this!" his umbrella cried frantically.

"Oh, be quiet, you." The Earl smirked menacingly. "You will go to the farm…_and you will __like __the farm, you got it_?" His eyes glowed evilly. "Am I right? "

"Y-yes master!" they all stammered at once.

"This will be fun! Hee hee hee!" Jasdero cheered. "We can chase pigs!"

"And chew upon sweet chickens…sweet…" Skin Boric mused.

They headed off into town, towards their new house.

---

"BA-CACK!" Screamed a chicken. They were there.

"Isn't this pleasant ?" the Earl asked.

"Of course…" said Tyki, though he was unsure.

The entered the farm house that they were to stay in. There was mud covering the floor, clumps of hay hanging from the ceiling fan, and a small pig running around with a rather fat sheep, and even a small rodent of some sort. Cobwebs hung in every which direction.

"Ooh! Look, I found Charlotte's web!" Road smiled, pointing at one of the many cobwebs. Jasdero was already chasing the pig.

Debitto noticed an unusually large bat flapping around the ceiling. He pulled out his gun and shot it down, causing it to land on Tyki's head, its guts poring down his face.

"You look very fashionable! How did you ever come up with such style?" Road asked, smirking.

"You've inspired a new hat! Hee hee hee!" Jasdero laughed.

Skin Boric looked at the guts hungrily, and tasted one of its organs. "This isn't sweet!" He spat it out on Tyki, torturing him further.

"Good grief," Tyki groaned.

"Don't you like it, Tyki-pon? " The Earl asked.

"Um…do we have a bathroom I could wash these…guts…off in?" Tyki asked uneasily.

"We have an outhouse!" Debitto told him.

"You just have to fight off the rabies-infested squirrels to get in! Hee hee!" Jasdero informed Tyki.

"Thanks for the tip," he replied, heading off towards the out-house.

"Poor Tyki," Road said, watching as he left.

"Let's take a tour outside," suggested Debitto.

"Yeah! We haven't seen the farm yet! Hee-hee!" Jasdero chimed in.

---

Outside, they passed many fences with farm animals of all sorts. Then, they found the cows.

"Oh, wow! They're huge!" Road said, staring up at them.

Suddenly, one of the cows had accident on the Earls now very smelly shoe.

"Hee-hee! Hilarious!" Jasdero laughed, and Debitto chimed in.

"_Are you looking to get killed? _ " The Earl smiled.

"Can we go home now?" Road asked hopefully.

"Of course, I've had it with this sucky place. " The Earl replied.

And so they set off down the road, leaving poor Tyki behind.

---

Meanwhile, Tyki finally finished washing off, and was headed back to the house. To his surprise, it seemed deserted.

"Earl? Road?" he called out. No one answered. "They probably went shopping, I should wait here," he told himself.

"BA-CACK!" The hen perched on top of Tyki's head.

"Good Grief."


End file.
